Tony's words
My friend Tony is going through a tough time. You can see it in his tired eyes, the slump of shoulders, the clench of his jaws.
His mother is dying, and not so gracefully, I'm afraid. He talks about wanting to do right by her, and how hard that is when her anger flares and she hangs up on him.
So something he said Sunday pierced my heart like an arrow.
"I'm doing the best that I can."
I get weepy every time I think about the surrender in his voice and his faraway look.
And I've been thinking about why those words reached inside so deeply and made a haunting sound like a bow across a cello.
I think it's this:
For all their courage and love and endurance, people of great heart like Tony sooner or later stumble upon the limits of their power, like someone in a dark room who can't find the light switch no matter how hard they try. It's not the kind-one's fault; some rooms simply don't have lights.
But how can a person who's never been in the room before possibly know this? And when dawn's light exposes the bare walls, will Tony be able to forgive himself for not finding what could not be found? Will he hold himself to impossible standards?
Or will he still believe he did the best he could?
I pray he does. I pray we all do.
Image by [xinita] is Oliver Twist!
Comments
I wish peace to both of them.
http://bigthink.com/irabyock/dying-well
Lovely thoughts, words and music. Having a friend like you ought to help Tony.
Thanks for the beautiful music today too.
You don't know Tony. You don't know me. And yet you've reached across the distance with you goodness...I'm deeply touched and will make sure Tony know about your comments.
((((hugs))))
My Mother called me yesterday to tell me yet again what a loser I am. She pointed out that I am nearly 40 and have done nothing in her eyes. My art does not matter. She told me to get a job (I have been trying to find a job for months.) She knows I will soon be homeless and she asked me to "consider her life". She wanted me to feel sorry for her because she may have to delay some landscaping she wanted done.
All I have done my whole life is listen to her and love her and try to show her that she is loved, but she still sees me as the enemy. She sees everyone as the enemy. I wish I could fix that. I wish I could heal her. At this point, for my own sanity and survival, I think I need to shut the door to that dark room you mention and leave her alone in there. With her piles of money and stuff. Ranting about how everyone is taking advantage of her. I need the light too much to try anymore. :(
It helps to know I am not alone. Thank you, again.
Bless you and Tony. And bless our broken parents.
Love,
Melissa
Erin: What a lovely comment. I think the sound of a cello is the same sound of my heart.