Thursday, January 7, 2010




Midnight.
Wickedly cold.
The dogs need their constitutional before we retire for the night.
We do not have a fenced yard.
Therefore, I must:

  1. Turn off the computer
  2. Walk to the coat closet
  3. Put on my down coat
  4. Lace my stocking feet into my boots
  5. Locate two bags
  6. Put on glove liners
  7. Put on mittens
  8. Wrap scarf around my neck and face
  9. Harness Thing One
  10. Harness Thing Two
  11. Open the door
  12. Greet the arctic air
  13. Wait till the girls make a deposit
  14. Pick up said deposits
  15. Walk to trash can and deposit said deposits
  16. Try not to slip on icy sidewalk and get another concussion
  17. Come back inside
  18. Unharness Thing One
  19. Unharness Thing Two
  20. Remove outerwear
  21. Clean up
  22. Go to bed where Mr. B has been for the past 2 hours
  23. Move Thing One and Thing Two off my side of the bed so I can crawl in
  24. Repeat steps 2 through 21 in 7 hours and catch the bus to work.
What was I thinking when I said I wanted to retire in the Yukon?

44 comments:

Lydia said...

Hehe. I laughed when I read the beginning lines to this post in my reading list just now. Having just taken our two girls out separately (while Michael sleeps), wearing their dog coats and on leashes, then given them snacks in bed in the laundry room, I was remembering how nice it was when we first moved here 11 years ago and we could put the dogs out in the (fenced) backyard for the last "go" of the evening. Until the ... ahem ... skunk incident that changed the pattern. :)

At least I don't have to catch a bus tomorrow morning. And it's 41 and clear outside right now, so probably won't drop below 35 the rest of the night.

Hope you rest well and have a good Thursday.

Alix said...

Number 13!!!

Oh, I'm laughing in spite of your misery. My lil pooch does not like the cold one bit. His little manly part kind of drags in the grass a bit, so who can blame him (poor little Doxie). Plus he's almost 16 and forgets why we're out there in the first place. Even in his winter coat, he literally stops in his tracks as soon as the cold air hits him. Get's situational amnesia. Or selective amnesia. Regardless, he makes the unpleasant task an endless ordeal often requiring several trips.


I do love him so. And his snout is almost as cute as the one in your photo.

Stay warm Kathleen honey.

PS: I hope you steal Mr. B's covers when you finally DO get to bed!

Gail said...

I sure am glad I can just let my out the door and wait at the window.

Renee said...

Well as far as cleaning do what I do.

I sweep the room with a glance.

Love Renee xoxo

Hilary said...

Brrr. I didn't realize you were in the Yukon...

Why??? ;)

Gaston Studio said...

The first thing we did when buying this old house was to have a backyard fence installed. I can't imagine having to do the late night thing without being in my pjs and standing at the back door, waiting until deposits are made, to be picked up in the warm sunshine.

Reya Mellicker said...

Staging for any trip outdoors in winter is a lengthy and convoluted process, eh? Bulky, too.

That dog snout picture is completely, 100% sweet!!

Rudee said...

Yes, but just think...because you've kept on top of the deposits, there will not be a massive clean up come spring.

Maybe you should consider some bubble wrap for your head.

ellen abbott said...

I think getting the yard fenced would be infinitely easier. In fact, that would be my first phone call in the morning.

Joycee said...

This morning NW Arkansas feels like the Yukon! Ben doesn't get a walk, he goes outside...poops, pees, eats snow(I hope clean snow) and then comes back in and sleeps the day away! Try to stay warm, my father-in-law says spring is just around the corner...he's a full glass kind of person!

lakeviewer said...

Oh no! Too many steps. Are you out yet?

Derrick said...

You've got this all wrong Kathleen! Make sure Mr B walks the girls before HE retires!!!

Poetikat said...

I'm going to have to copy this and print it off and stick it to the fridge where the "mister" can read it. He wants to get a dog. I love dogs, but I'm not keen on this ritual you've described. I'm looking out my front and back windows and there's nothing that would make me head out there at the minute. Cats suit me.

Sweetpea said...

I very much understand your plight as I was in the same one for the last three years (less one dog) until getting fenced end of summer. 'Course, I am in the Pacific Northwest & we do not often get "wickedly cold." Still, we can do just about anything for those adorable snouts, can't we? Very much enjoyed this post, thanks!

Barb said...

I especially had to laugh that Things One and Two beat you to bed! Stay warm - if possible...

Janie said...

Feels like I'm already retired to the Yukon.
The preparation for taking the dogs out sounds arduous. I do about the same when I go out to feed the horses - but at least I don't have to bag up their poop!

Eddie Bluelights said...

Hi Kathleen
And we think we have it bad - poor you.
Those 24 steps are very arduous for you, and love no 13.
Sorry it has been a while since I visited - difficult to get round everyone these days.
Is it hubby's turn tomorrow?
I am just about to turn in myself 0 snore ~ Hugs, Eddie x

Purpur said...

Just to let you know: I do steps 1-4, 10-11, 13, 17-18, 20-21, 23. We live surrounded by nature, so nobody really cares about any poop. I have only one Irish Terrier and some nights I cannot stretch my legs properly in the bed because he resides at the bottom. Ah, well, what can I say.

Alice Audrey said...

Um.... you were thinking plenty of room to run around in?

distracted by shiny objects said...

I feel your pain!!! And, my 4-legged guy thinks it's great fun to bound exuberantly down the sidewalk in the snow with me at the tail end of the leash. Silly boy. Of course, he can barely make it home on some of the summer days, so I try to be patient. Harder when you're freezing!!!

Sydney said...

Have seen your comments on both Renee and Grizz's blog and figured that I had to come over to say hello. Hello! Come visit my animal and nature blog or the others any old time. Like you I keep several -- and I write for the Zoo website blog -- but a few I keep under pen names. I loved this list!

Elizabeth said...

At midnight, when I let the dog out for the last time, and the winter wind whips in the door and my fingers (if they're wet) freeze to the metal door handle, I am always deeply deeply grateful for a fenced-in back yard!

Kathleen said...

@Lydia: Um, the skunk incident, eh? Do say more! The lengths we'll go for our furry family members, eh? So glad the post made you chuckle!

Kathleen said...

@Alix: Awwwwww...your pup sounds absolutely adorable! Fortunately, Mr. B is a furnace. Doesn't take to long to warm up! hehehehe

Kathleen said...

@Gail: and your cat comes back soon enough that you don't fall asleep at the window? That's remarkable. Mine would go off for a hunt and lord knows what time he'd come back!

Kathleen said...

@Renee: Oh my dear, I have perfected that one after 30 years. It's most reassuring to know that one as fine as you also cleans thusly! :)

Kathleen said...

@Hilary: LOL. No, no, I just pine to retire there, particularly before winter sets in here! Once a romantic, always a romantic. Good thing Mr. B is the practical one in this arrangement! :)

Kathleen said...

@Jane: Teehee! Actually, picking up steamy deposits from the nicely contrasting snow isn't all that bad. It's the getting my tush out the door that's the hardest!

Kathleen said...

@Reya: LOL! True! I usually don't stage at midnight, though. Great comment!

Kathleen said...

Rudee: HA!!! This is true. You aren't one of those glass-half-full kinda gals are you? Somehow, someONE manages not to pick up all the deposits come spring, and that some ONE is not me! I forgot to mention the headlamp! Ya know, bubble wrap is a very fine idea. Then I can pop them while I stand around and wait for the girls to find the perfect place to make their deposits. In Cora's case, that usually means she has to do a little snowplowing first. And in Charlottes's case, she's got to find the highest point on the Matterhorn, er, snow bank. Sheesh!

Kathleen said...

@Ellen: And that would mean deposits in the garden. That should give you an idea of how big our yard is! LOL

Kathleen said...

@Joycee: Well now, that Ben sounds like quite a civilized chap! Perhaps he could teach a little civility to my girls! I know this isn't the majority view, but I'm not ready for spring. I want to play in the snow some more! It's tough being an odd duck, but someone has to do it! LOL

Kathleen said...

@lakeviewer: Hee, hee...I actually forgot one: Put on the headlamp so I can be sure to find the deposits. But yes, I'm nice and cozy right now.

Kathleen said...

@Derrick: You are such a practical man, my friend! Truth be told, we only swapped duties for that day. I usually have the morning shift, which I much prefer. Perhaps that's why I was such a whiney baby that evening! LOL

Kathleen said...

@Poetikat: And would you believe I'm about to add a third to the pack! Madness runs in my family! Hee hee hee . . mwahh, haaaa, haaaa, haaaa, haaaa.....

Kathleen said...

@Sweetpea: You said it, my friend. Choosing dogs for companions is a fine madness. And midnight deposits truly aren't that bad, once I can move my lazy arse off the comfy couch!

Kathleen said...

@Barb: oh yes, Thing One and Thing Two are fast little urchins. And they act as if they'd been there 2 hours. All little yawns and sleepy eyes and grunts when I try to move them over! All worth it!

Kathleen said...

@Janie: Really, does it feel like the Yukon. I'll be over in a sec, AND I'll help you feed the horses. Sound OK?

Kathleen said...

@Eddie: Awww, so nice to have a visit from you, my friend. And yes, it is Mr B's turn! About that snoring, we've got an extra CPAP, if you'd like one! LOL

Kathleen said...

@Purpur: I like that sound of that--living surrounded by nature. The city just isn't "wild" enough for me. Now that's a big fellow in the bed. Does he grunt and complain when you try to make a little space for your legs. Thing 2 has been know to huff in annoyance! LOL. Wouldn't have it any other way.

Kathleen said...

@Alice Audrey: Brilliant! And barren enough to see them for miles! LOL!!!

Kathleen said...

DBSO: Your four-legged is my kind of guy! Ever tried skijoring with him? He sounds like a natch!!! LOL!!!

Kathleen said...

@Sydney: Welcome, welcome!! So glad you paid a visit. I will most definitely swing by and see a fellow animal over's writings! What pen name shall I look for?

Kathleen said...

@Elizabeth: Ya know, I think I'd probably find something to whine about, even if I had the fenced yard! LOL!!! Ouch, cold, wet fingers on metal door handle sounds painful! Would you like to borrow some glove liners? They might not be matched (I'm still laughing about your mismatched socks post), but I'm happy to share!

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