Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Feeling 'little'?


Back in the day when I was a young girl and I was feeling a blue, my mother would ask me, "Are you feeling little?" I can still hear the tenderness and compassion in her voice.


It was a perfect way of describing that feeling of being a bit out of sorts, irreparably flawed, and just plain unsure of things. Now and then, the phrase comes back to me and it helps me remember how important it is to see ourselves as imperfect and yet still lovable.


I usually have no problem seeing the imperfections, but it's that second part that stumps me sometimes.


Today was such a day. I felt "little." So I did my best not to fight the feeling, to simply let it be.


Many years have passed since my mom validated that "ishy" (Minnesota for "icky") feeling, and I now know that if I can stay in that place and not try to rush my way out of the discomfort, usually something good is in the offing, some kind of growth. As a friend reminds me, "God loves broken things"-- so who am I to balk?


Can't say I know what the learning will be, but I did run into a friend today who raved about Project Salt and Pepper and how much he loved it. I must admit, it helped me feel a bit less "little." In the best of all worlds, I think, I wouldn't need external affirmation. But I'm very much a work in progress.


As is my sweet Ginsberg. Sounds like the pup has some bigggg paws, so I don't expect he'll be little for long. He's 5 weeks old now, and in 2 weeks I'll be picking him up in Michigan and bringing him home to his new pack in Minnesota, where he'll be deeply cherished, imperfections and all. (Not that I see a single one yet!)


Photo: Copyright © 2010. Shannon Miller

Painting: "The Little Knitter" by William-Adolphe Bouguereau

23 comments:

Nessa said...

You give some good advice. We so often try to rush and push ourselves out of feeling little (love that concept) that we make it worse. I hope you feel better.

Ginsberg is beautiful.

Dam

steven said...

kathleen i really like that phrase and i especially like the insight that when we're feeling little it often suggests that something is in the offing, something good, something changing. i like that a lot because it parallels my own experience. have a lovely day. steven

Hilary said...

"Feeling little" is a wonderful way to put it.

That pup is adorable.

willow said...

Icky is one of my particular words, but I've never heard of the ishy version. I adore Bouguereau's paintings of young girls. A master of painting feet, in my opinion.

What a pup face!!!

Rudee said...

You struck a chord in me with this post, Kathleen. Of late, I've been well acquainted with feeling little. Here's hoping something good is right on the heel's of feeling ishy.

Those puppies are in Michigan? Really? Any left?

ellen abbott said...

I know the feeling well. 'Little' is a good word for it. But you Kathleen, I cannot imagine that you would feel unworthy of being loved.

What a sweet face Ginsberg has.

J said...

that pup is a show stealer - my brain is now full of squidgy puppy dog thoughts!

'I'm only little' used to be my response when my mum told me off! As I'm still only five foot four, I think it's still a valid excuse. ;)

And as for littleness and acceptance, have you ever come across Havi's The Fluent Self website? It rocks (warning: it's also pretty addictive.)

Barb said...

Hi Kathleen, Feeling "little" is something I'm doing lately - I think maybe I need to just wait instead of trying to feel "better" again - perhaps some growth will occur if I'm patient. Ginsberg's eyes are all-knowing.

Joycee said...

Really, really good post! Feeling little is just the perfect description, your Mother was so insightful. Isn't it great we carry these things with us always...

Linda said...

Ginsberg is growing even more adorable, such beautiful blue eyes. Won't be long before the pitter-patter of little feet. And how exciting when you get him, reminds me of elementary school when we finally got to meet our pen pals. Enjoyed all the fun photos of doggies and snow! What a pretty, frosty painting out there this morning! Take care.

Pyzahn said...

Your getting a new dog?!?!?!? I am soooo jealous. Nothing better to shoosh away the ishy.

Kathleen said...

@Nessa: Thank you for your kinds words! Glad you liked the concept. It's always made so much sense to me.

Kathleen said...

@Steven: Thank you for your comment. It's so hard to be patient when I'm feeling little, and sometimes I think it's exactly when I despair that things will ever change, that exactly the change arrives.

Kathleen said...

@Hilary: It's so apt, isn't it. Lucky me to have a mum with such good insight. Next Saturday I meet my pup! Keep your fingers crossed that we'll be able to help him through being away from his mum!

Kathleen said...

@Willow: You're so right! Bouguereau does feet like no one else! I'd always considered Gaugin the ultimate foot painter but he does make them rather large, doesn't he? I sure hope my pup keeps his blue eyes--so striking with the dark fur! Here's another Minnesota phrase: hot dish = casserole!

Kathleen said...

@Rudee: I can so understand how you've been feeling little. Surely good things must be coming your way! You most certainly deserve them. I think the last pup has been spoken for, but you could always email Shannon to verify. Her blog (The Daily Dog -- scroll down to my "hike, hike" blog roll to find her) has her email address. You simply must have some of that good ole puppy unconditional love soon!

Kathleen said...

@Ellen: What a nice thing to say. I most certainly do have my moments. Humbling to say the least!

Kathleen said...

@J: I just love that word, squidgy. It's perfect! I always knew you were a wise old soul, telling your parents you're only little. That's brilliant! I'm 5 feet soaking wet, but it took me well into my 30s before I realized I was short! Ha!!

Kathleen said...

@Barb: You're right. Ginsberg's eyes do have an "all-knowing" quality about them. Oh, Barb, you have every reason to feel little and that's just fine. Maybe you don't have to do a thing but let your wonderful spirit lift you when you're ready! You're in my thoughts and prayers. You're such an inspiration!

Kathleen said...

@Joycee: I hear my wonderful mother's words so often in the back of my head. She was a wonderful cheerleader and support. Glad the words rang true!

Kathleen said...

@Linda: So glad you enjoyed the doggie pictures. I'm truly obsessed, so I appreciate your tolerance! Boy, it was an amazing day of frozen frost, wasn't it!?

Kathleen said...

@Pyzahn: My friend! So nice to hear from you! Yes, I've lost my marbles and I'm going to pursue my dream. Think that's too much pressure to put on that lil pup?

Janie said...

Feeling "little" is a great way to describe those insecure days when we're not quite happy with who we are.
Ginsberg sure is an adorably cute puppy.

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