Back in the day when I was a young girl and I was feeling a blue, my mother would ask me, "Are you feeling little?" I can still hear the tenderness and compassion in her voice.
It was a perfect way of describing that feeling of being a bit out of sorts, irreparably flawed, and just plain unsure of things. Now and then, the phrase comes back to me and it helps me remember how important it is to see ourselves as imperfect and yet still lovable.
I usually have no problem seeing the imperfections, but it's that second part that stumps me sometimes.
Today was such a day. I felt "little." So I did my best not to fight the feeling, to simply let it be.
Many years have passed since my mom validated that "ishy" (Minnesota for "icky") feeling, and I now know that if I can stay in that place and not try to rush my way out of the discomfort, usually something good is in the offing, some kind of growth. As a friend reminds me, "God loves broken things"-- so who am I to balk?
Can't say I know what the learning will be, but I did run into a friend today who raved about Project Salt and Pepper and how much he loved it. I must admit, it helped me feel a bit less "little." In the best of all worlds, I think, I wouldn't need external affirmation. But I'm very much a work in progress.
As is my sweet Ginsberg. Sounds like the pup has some bigggg paws, so I don't expect he'll be little for long. He's 5 weeks old now, and in 2 weeks I'll be picking him up in Michigan and bringing him home to his new pack in Minnesota, where he'll be deeply cherished, imperfections and all. (Not that I see a single one yet!)
Photo: Copyright © 2010. Shannon Miller
Painting: "The Little Knitter" by William-Adolphe Bouguereau