Is it Friday yet?
"Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness,
and the word happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness.
It is far better take things as they come along with patience and equanimity."
~Carl Jung
Where do I need more patience and equanimity?
My first answer was more like a question: um, everywhere? But somehow that seemed like cheating, so I've let question rattle around in my brain for a while, and I got clarity about it this week. Humbling clarity.
For the sake of the innocent (and not so innocent), I'll leave off the names and details. Let's just say it's been a hard 3 days at work. With a few tears. And a few embarrassing comments I wish I could take back. One verrrrrry long day. Some miscommunication. Some big ole fears triggered. And, mercifully, some resolution today.
But I very clearly lost any and all equanimity during the past 76 hours. I even uttered the words, "I expect an apology," which runs so counter to all I've learned since the Year of the Sledgehammer, when I realized that I can have expectations of myself, but to have them of others or even of a situation is to plant seeds of resentment. And, honestly, who needs that?
So, I love the concept of equanimity, that quality of remaining detached, wise, and yet fully present, kind, and so serenely grounded one cannot be moved off center. Like Nelson Mandela. Or Winnie the Pooh. Or Sister Paula at Clare's Well.
I don't know many people who embody equanimity, though I know some truly patient souls. I think it must take practice and discipline and deep trust that the universe is fundamentally good. That last one? Check. The first one? Working on it. The middle one, well, that may be what's tripping me up.
So, if you have suggestions about discipline or any other ideas about cultivating equanimity, please share them with me? I'm all ears.
Image by Vicky's Nature
Comments
The stress of the season takes its toll. We are all tired. Ready for a break, but the break sometimes doesn't come in the proper form, huh?
I am most certain, however, that you will have the peace within yourself to help piece together and mediate between broken spirits today.
I'm sure you are more nearly geared to achieving this than many. Human nature leaves us rather wanting in many ways and it takes time, experience and a special spirit to look upon things with equanimity.
God exists in us all, even the person who appears entirely UN-Godly. Look for the place where God exists in those people who piss you off. When you find it, tell them, in no uncertain terms, that they don't deserve to have it and, if you had your way, you'd rip it out of them right now, especially if it was their heart.
Oh, wait, that didn't come out as I wished. What I meant to say was that the best way to gain peace and joy for yourself is to give it on to others as the opportunity permits.
In any case, thank you, again, for your wonderful comments over at my place. You provided ME with joy via them, so you should expect some to redound to you soon!
What I'm trying to say is that I'm trying to get rid of negative emotions and most times I do pretty good. By that I don't mean that I will never experience bad or sad but...what Jung said.
OK, start by forgiving yourself (it's the hardest thing for me to do).
Oh and discipline? Why is that so hard?
Now I find this concept very interesting, and one I don't think would be realistic for me. I do have expectations of others, especially colleagues. I try to be understanding of the pressures they face, but sometimes I run out of patience. Many just don't do what's expected of them and turf it to the off shift where we lack, hello, the resources of the day staff. There are two of us at night to cover the entire city and dozens of "them". It especially annoys me when they can't seem to get to someone in crisis at 8 in the morning and figure it'll keep until I come on at 4. This happened once to me. I didn't mind seeing the patient at 4pm, what upset me is why it took so long to get resolution and why someone had to be in need for soooo long. While I expected no apology, it's my job after all, I did make sure the patient got one.
There is a fine line between equanimity and being a doormat, Kathleen. I think in order to avoid the latter, one must use her voice when things aren't going right--she just needs to strive to find the right tone and words so feelings are spared.
But expectations? You can and should have them of others. If the expectation is that I'll do something for you and I don't, well, I've not met my obligation to you. Are you supposed to accept this as though you have no thoughts or feelings about the situation? I don't think so, but in retrospect, you can review how you handled your particular situation and determine how you'll change in the future.
In the meantime, take that hairshirt off. It must be terribly itchy.
I have been dealing with a trying home situation and I am finding that patience comes easier to me when I first see the other person as I think they see themselves
takes a leap of faith and a lot of assumptions based on experience but it does remove me from my own craziness and makes them more human, thus easier to have compassion for
(from Bhagavad-gita As It Is, purports)
Kat
That's the best way I know to restore equanimity. By making the counter-balancing effort. Don't beat yourself up, we all fail resoundingly when it comes to be perfect.
But we keep trying to do better by doing, I guess :-)
Gratefully,
Kathleen